What People Don’t Tell You About Finding “The One”

Are you searching for love? Wondering how you can find your boyfriend or girlfriend? Questioning if you’ll ever find your future spouse?

Contrary to what so many people tell you, you might NOT know it’s “the one” right away.

When you meet someone, you might feel that it’s different or special. Maybe it feels right. And that’s wonderful. But that does not mean that you should have to know that this is the person that you’re going to, or want to, spend the rest of your life with.

You don’t yet know what kind of parent they’ll be (if you want children). You don’t know how they will comfort you when you’re feeling sad or hurt. You don’t know how they handle conflict. You don’t know how they’ll react when you bring up difficult conversations to work through. You don’t yet know how much of their own inner healing work they’ve done and how they put that into action. You haven’t yet had a chance to see the daily habits they engage in to create their overall life themes.

Think about it – there are plenty of people who have been friends with someone for a very long time and then all of a sudden something shifts and it becomes romantic. They didn’t know right away.

So much of this has to do with timing and your own inner journey of healing and being ready for a truly healthy, long-term relationship and love.

 There are plenty of people who date somebody that they like, and want to keep pursuing it, but are not romanticizing it by saying that they absolutely 100% know this is the person they are going to spend the rest of their life with.

So many people say, “when you know you know”. And while on some level that can be true and is of course a beautiful sentiment, that sure puts a lot of pressure on you and someone you’ve only known for a week, two weeks, a month.

Adopting this sentiment as the end-all-be-all may also subconsciously or consciously prevent you from seeing people beyond the first date if they weren’t your idea of “perfect” or didn’t make you feel intense, magical butterflies right away.

So, I am here to tell you that it is perfectly OKAY if you don’t know 100% that this is the person you want to be with long-term. It’s OKAY if you like this person and it feels good and you want to keep exploring it, allowing yourself to be present in each moment rather than solely focusing on where it’s going in the future. It’s OKAY if the turning point comes weeks or months into the relationship where you realize that yes, this is the place you want to be and this is the person you want to be with.

I encourage you to feel and embrace the love, connection and joy, while allowing yourself to have your feet firmly planted on the ground, in reality.

Sure, this may contradict the Disney fairytale you so desperately desire. But let me reassure you that reality does not mean it won’t be beautiful and magical. Reality means genuine, honest, vulnerable, true.

It’s so much more special seeing someone as they actually are and then growing and developing with them, rather than holding on to some fantasy of what they could or should be. In the latter you’ll waste time and energy fighting and contorting to try to have them fit in some box you’ve concocted based on other peoples’ stories, expectations or social/media influence.

No one else’s story matters. Yours does. What feels true and right for you? What do you want? What are your values? What’s important to you? What feels good to your body and heart? That’s what important.

Follow your intuition, that’s what it’s there for.

Ready to start or deepen you own inner healing so you can receive and sustain a healthy love once it shows up? Check out my offerings here.